Look Back at a Year Final

"Why don't you just listen to him every time you disrespect him he yells at me, just keep your mouth shut"
"But he doesn't understand how hard it is for me"
"You have it so good you have no idea what him and I have been through your lucky he pushes himself to give you a life he never had"
I never understood why my mom and dad had a harder time then most parents it seemed. I didn't understand why my dad didn't like his family and why my dad drank so much. I didn't understand why they worked so hard and why my mom was often sad but most of all I didn't understand how they were such good parents.

This is the year things started to unfold, tables were turned and I never looked at my parents the same.

I guess it started with my moms childhood because I talked to her all the time and she would tell me about her past and growing up. One of the biggest things that impacted her was her dad, he was a really bad alcoholic and she thinks that might have even killed him in the end. She would tell me stories that I didn't want to here about her dad. Like some nights she would lock her younger brother and sister in her room and they would put furniture against the door to keep him from coming in. He would bang the door and threaten to hurt them, he even tried to pry the door open. Other stories about his strict and scary actions didn't affect me as much but it did hurt to here that he never hurt them physically but I can imagine that the anticipation of not knowing when or if it might happen is even worse. Of course all of this heavily impacted my moms education and career in the future because she didn't have supportive parents to help her to get through school.

My dads childhood was also mentioned a lot in these talks which are just as bad as my moms. Some things I will never forget is how much he would get abused by his parents and how hard it was for him to just get through the day. She told about how he was very bad when he was little but he told me that at that time his mind set was that if he would get punished either way what would be the purpose of being good and then this snowballed into school and the future because he also had no support or encouragement from his parents.

When my mom talked about their high school experience was when I really got shaken up. Up until high school they had pretty much been on their own, they had taught themselves how to be responsible and fend for themselves in all situations. I can imagine by the time they met how broken they must have been. They had gone through so much and just to think that everything had stuck with them, that must have been really intense to deal with. As they hung out together they made a life of their own, my mom wouldn't go to school because she was depressed about her dad and my dad wouldn't go to school because he had better things to do like going to the beach and surfing all day and skateboarding with his friends. Together they started getting into a lot of trouble. They started doing drugs and drinking with their friends because their was no one that was going to stop them. When they got into drugs everything went downhill, they ran away from home and became homeless for a while. Then my mom had two abortions and my dad failed school and much more.

They got married when my mom was pregnant with me. A story I'll never forget was about how after my mom had me I got sick and had to stay in the hospital for about an extra week which of course you would think costs a lot. The part that broke my heart though was that the nurses would put a clipboard full of bar codes with everything they would have to pay for my treatments and whenever the nurse weren't there my dad would try to peel off the bar codes because they thought they defiantly wouldn't have been able to afford all of the expenses, its sad to think that my dad would risk so much for me and still does today.

One day I asked my mom why my dad didn't want us in the garage sometimes when he was doing something, it would stink so much and after he seemed like how he was when he was really drunk. I had a slight uneasiness in my stomach already anticipating my moms answer but its been going on for too long and I needed to know the truth. Unfortunately I was right, my dad was smoking weed which is awesome considering he already has an alcohol problem. I was really disappointed and mad at him for a long time but I understand a little better why he does what he does and I have to accept it. I also started to piece together why they worked so hard was because they did bad in school that to make a living they have to work twice as hard everyday.

Before all of this I was very ungrateful and disrespectful to my parents. I knew they had no idea what it was like to be me. After this whole experience I can't think of how hard it is for me because its nothing compared to my parents. They worked so hard to get to where they are now and the thing is they still work just as hard to stay where they are. I don't know how I could have been so unappreciative when my parents do so much for me and when they have taught me so much.

Everything I know or think about my parents changed that year I saw everything from their point of view for the first time. Every time I think about their past I slightly cry because I understand everything, why they told me to do this and that, why my dad drank and smoked to cover up his past feelings, why they worked so hard but most of all I understood the fact that they were such good parents because they tried and pushed themselves to be nothing like their parents, to give me and my brother the perfect life they never had.