Proposition: The new Arizona Law is too harsh because the citizens and police force living in the state are at risk of immigrants taking over so officials could have thought about another more beneficial solution for everyone.
Hi Kiyo, Your proposition is now a single sentence, but it is a bit confusing. You state as your reason that the state is "at risk" because of immigration, yet your proposition is that the law is too harsh. It would probably have been clearer to focus more on just the opinion part: "The new Arizona Law should be changed" or something like that. mrs s revision assessment: 3
Hi Kiyo,
ReplyDeleteYour proposition is now a single sentence, but it is a bit confusing. You state as your reason that the state is "at risk" because of immigration, yet your proposition is that the law is too harsh. It would probably have been clearer to focus more on just the opinion part: "The new Arizona Law should be changed" or something like that.
mrs s
revision assessment: 3