“For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven” –Ecclesiastes 3:1. In a world where we constantly hear stories about disaster, divorce, death and other tragedies it’s hard to understand why things happen.
November 23, 1994. The day before thanksgiving, my mom’s dad, my grandpa Henry, lay down for an afternoon nap and never woke up. My mom found out she was pregnant with me a couple weeks prior and planned to tell her dad the news on Thanksgiving day, but she never got the chance, he would never know I existed. This was a dark time for my whole family, my grandma was broken, my aunty had so many regrets and guilt, my uncle was heavily involved in drugs, the same went for my dad, my mom was quitting and they all suffered from severe depression.
His death was shocking to everyone. On top of not knowing how he died, it was so unexpected, no one got to say goodbye, there were so many questions and feeling and thoughts that were never put into words. My grandma must have experienced a lot of sadness and grief, to loose her husband at 54 but she also had the future to think about, her three kids, her home, her life and being in a wheelchair never made anything easy. She didn’t know how she was going to make money to support her family. When her kids should have helped her get through this time, they needed her more. My uncle was doing drugs, make bad choices, hurting others and loosing himself everyday. My aunty had a very distant relationship with her dad. She disrespected him, they fought and she hurt him, but she regretted it, she couldn’t forgive herself for the way she treated him. She had a lot of guilt building up in her unresolved feelings. My dad and mom were also doing drugs, struggling to keep it together and with one less person to influence them to change, they were in a dark place of their life.
While everyone was dealing with their own troubles, amongst the despair, there was a spark of hope. Life replacing death, my mom was still pregnant with me. As a result of her pregnancy at this significant time my mom quit drugs, determined to take care of me, she decided to rectify herself first. My dad also choose to change. Together they changed their motive of life, to make me someone who would be better then they were. Preparing for my birth gave everyone something to do and think about instead of my grandpas death. “There’s a time to be born and a time to die“ –Ecclesiastes 3:2. Although it didn’t make sense immediately, that my grandpa died, some good came out of it, I was able to provide hope for my family.
What happens in a second could affect a life in years to come. Every moment that goes by we have choices to make and a choice to accept why negative things happen on our lives because, if only good things happened in our life then nothing would really be good. I’ve come to the conclusion that everything happens for a reason. There is a time for every activity under heaven, this I believe.
Hello Kiyo!! Great job on your essay! As a reader, you were able to grasp my inner thoughts and feelings. Well done!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about your grandpa by the way and what your family had to go through. Your birth must have been a miraculous blessing to your family. :)
Now, time for critiquing. A lot of your sentences are run-ons. Try to re-read your essay and find them. When you do, edit them into separate sentences. For example, "Every moment that goes by we have choices to make and a choice to accept why negative things happen on our lives because, if only good things happened in our life then nothing would really be good."
Edit it to this: "Every moment that goes by we have choices to make. We have a choice to accept why negative things happen in our lives. However, if only good things happen, then nothing would really be good." Sound better? It makes for better understanding.
In addition, when you are listing, keep it constant. For example, "My uncle was doing drugs, mak[ing] bad choices, hurting others and loosing himself everyday." If you start the verb with -ing, then all the other verbs need to be -ing. Also, when you are talking about a past occurrence, make sure all your tenses in your essay remain constant, past-tense. At some point, you jump from present to past and past to present. Also, use action verbs when you are talking about the past. Instead of using -ing, use -ed. For example, "His death [shocked] everyone. On top [his unknown death], it was so unexpected. [No] one got to say goodbye [and] there were so many questions, feelings and thoughts that [couldn't be expressed in] words. My grandma must have experienced a lot of sadness and grief [when she lost] her husband at 54 and she also had the future to think about. Her three kids, her home, her life, and being in a wheelchair never made anything easy."
Only use "but" when there is a contradiction in the sentence. So, this is just to show you what I meant when editing your sentences.
Overall, great job! Good luck on your final! :D